Teaching yoga for me is part fear, part authenticity. It’s a clever collaboration of knowing what I’m doing and having no idea. It’s a marriage of getting it right and totally messing it up. It’s a game of high stakes for me where my expectation is grand but the reality is never what I expect. It’s elaborate planning and then a complete ditching of what I wanted to do. I never know what it is going to be. I always hope though that people will like the class, like me and hopefully like themselves.
And that’s my biggest problem. When you want people to like you, or enjoy what you do you are living in the ego based side of your world. The ego says, look at me, I am this, I am that, I am good at this, I am smart, pretty, I am the best yoga teacher in the world. Everything that is ‘I am’ is your ego. A construct of who you think you are made up entirely in your head and conditioned through your actions, thoughts and words.
And this is jolly fine when you are fabulous. When you don’t stuff up and say the wrong thing. When you don’t fall out of your yoga pose. When you remember the lesson plan. When you are riding high, ego is great. However what happens when you mess up? When you forget left and right, when you make a crucial mistake at work. When you say the worst thing imagined to someone. When you think you are really good at something but you don’t get chosen for a role or you fail at it in some way. Do you say to yourself ‘I am a really good teacher because I made that mistake’? No. You say ” I’m not very good at my job, hobby, work, relationship’. There goes that ego again. Always defining. Always deflating or inflating.
Here are two crucial things to remember if your ego is deflated on any given day;
1) Those who really matter, or those that care about you the most, don’t care if you mess up.
Practice for today: See if you can catch your ego out today. How do you define yourself and how important is that to you? Remember you are a soul encased in a body, not a body carrying around an ego. Everything should flow smoothly from there no matter how many times you falter.