You would think that being yoga there wouldn’t be many lawsuits, that people could just ‘let it go’ but they can’t. There are cases where students have sued their teachers, trying to shame them or written letters about them and broadcasted their hurt to the world. I have a whole set of those letters I would like to send out. A whole army of law suits I would like to take out on people that have hurt me. Even now I have been watching myself scheme what witty and cut throat reply I can text to someone so they can feel hurt.
However I don’t send the letters or the texts. Not now.I have learnt something more on the yoga path and it’s this. When someone hurts us or lets us down, or something happens to us that we don’t like the first thing we want to do is find who is to blame and make them suffer like us.
When someone hurts us even a little tiny bit what is your first reaction? Do you say to yourself, that just happened or do you think, what can I say or do to hurt that person back? What do you do when you get that text, someone ignores you or leaves you, someone upsets you or hurts you. Do you want to get even? Do you want to be heard? Do you want to pass on your suffering to another person? Do you want to sue them? Do you want to make that person feel just like they made you feel? Or do you want to be loved?
We look for a reason for our hurts sometimes even blaming yourself. I am still wondering why a relative stopped talking to me 18 years ago for no apparent reason. Even today I think ‘what did I do wrong’. But sometimes things just happen. Tragic accidents happen where you were involved. Things get broken. People let you down and leave you. Things get said that rock your world. You argue. You live.
So here is what I am learning each and every day.
We will never have this day again. We will never have this drink, this text, this sunset, this meal. We will never taste this fear, hurt or shame like we did today. Today is a once only, never to be experienced again day. If we realise the implications of this we will stop wasting time with the blame and shame game. We will see our hurts as just part of the never repeating day. We will see our pain as transient and move on. We will stop looking to the past to find a reason for the problem. We will stop looking to the future planning our arguments and games to play in our head. We will just rest in the presence of today. Now. Hopefully with this awareness we might see that if we are hurt, passing our hurt on like a child’s game of tag is futile. We might learn to claim and acknowledge what hurt us and say ‘this happened’ and leave it at that.
Practice for today: Watch what comes up for you when someone does something that hurts you in some way. See how you want to react. Think to yourself, do I want to pass on my suffering or acknowledge it and move on? What is the most valuable use of my once only day today? How can I leave this day a better day than when I entered it?