Practicing handstands and head stands today I moved my mat over to the wall again. I have been doing that for over three years, moving the mat. The fact is that I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust myself not to really hurt myself or land correctly. I don’t trust that I know what I am doing. I don’t trust my stumpy arms will hold the weight. I use the wall. I trust him, the wall, he never seems to move and seems quite still and stable, while I flail my arms around wildly the wall is always there. The knowing wall.
When we feel weak and unsure, when we don’t know what to do, when life seems uncertain and we have no idea where we are heading, what do you do? Do you trust everything will work out just fine? I don’t. I panic to fill the gap. I worry that I am not getting there, wherever there is. I want a solution to my problem. I want back up and help. I want the wall. I am the most un-trusting person of myself I know.
In yoga we have a term called Ishvara Pranidhana. It means do the best you can and surrender the results to a higher being. This higher being can be energy, Buddha, god, nature, whatever source you align with that feels greater and more guiding than you alone. Surrender doesn’t mean to give in or give up, it means trust that things are going to work out ok and you flow more with what is happening rather than fighting it.
Trust that you will be OK.
Trust that exactly where you are now is where you are meant to be.
Trust that your relationships are on the right path.
Trust that when you are ready you will know what to do.
Trust that this life you have, this one sweet life, is going to work out exactly how it is meant to.
Live your life fully, but surrender the fruits to the universe. It knows a lot more than you do. The universe has a majestic aerial view of your life, you only see a snapshot.
If you are unsure look back on your life now and remember the periods of the biggest failings or times of doubt and worry………. were all for nothing.
If you don’t trust your life you live in fear and your life will be contracted. If you trust your life, your life will be expansive and doubt will be driven from you more readily.
Practice for today: If you doubt yourself for one minute, if you worry about what you are doing, go to your wall. The wall is actually inside you. The wall is the place that is always there for you and will help guide your doubt away and replace it with faith. The wall will help you remember that everything is exactly as it is meant to be right now, and you will be caught if you fall.